I‘ ad lorst my situation, an’ the girl she got the‘ ump, An’ the naggin’ of my muvver nearly drove me orf my chump. So I‘ oofed it down to Woolwich, to the old recruitin’ starf, An’ they give to me a paper for to fix my autygrarf!
Just to fix my autygrarf! Lor’ you should a‘ eard me larf! For the blessed Sergeant-Major wos a tryin’ on‘ is chaff. Did n't mind the Doctor's soundin's,
Nor‘ is soap an’ water barf! But the fing as knocked me silly wos that bloomin’ autygrarf! I wos took before the colonel, an’ I took a Bible oaf That I'd serve my Queen an’ country, an’ be square unto them boaf.
Then they got a printed paper, an’ this Colonel on the starf Sez,‘ You'll kindly read this over, an’ affix your autygrarf!’ To affix my autygrarf! Larf! You orter‘ eard me larf!
Signin’ fings like‘'Enry Irvin,’ Knight Commornder of the Barf! Made me want to do a swagger Like a Piccadilly calf! On'y fancy! People wantin’ Tommy Atkins’ autygrarf!
Then I signs my name an’ birfplace, an’ the county I wos from, An’ I dots the‘ i’ in Atkins, an’ I crorst the‘ t’ in tom. A recruit is wurf a dollar, an’ the sergeant gets an‘ arf; Just for‘ andin’ me a paper for to put my autygrarf!
Just to put my autygrarf! Larf? You should‘ ave‘ eard them larf! From the colonel wiv‘ is spurs on, to the sergeant in‘ is scarf. When I sez,‘ Wot's this for, mister?’
Sez the colonel,‘ Go to Barf!’ ‘ Do n't you know the Queen is anxious for to get your autygrarf?’ I‘ ave autygrarfed for clobber, I‘ ave autygrarfed for pay; I‘ ave signed it wiv a flourish, I‘ ave signed it wiv a‘ j’
On an Army Temperance pledge-book ( O the straight an’ narrer parf! ) — To a‘ drunk’ fine in the pay list, I've affixed my autygrarf! Wot a name! An autygrarf!
‘ Nuff to drive a feller darf; Callin’ Christian name an‘ auty’ an’ the uvver name a‘ grarf,’ Writin’ in a pocket-ledger — ‘ Stead of album bound in calf —
‘ Doo to soldier: Nil’ ( that's Latin ), an’ your bloomin’ autygrarf!
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