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1870–1944

“TAKIN’ BOARDERS”

Joseph Crosby Lincoln

We'd never thought of takin’‘ em,—‘ t was Mary Ann's idee,— Sence she got back from boardin’ - school she's called herself “Maree” An’ scattered city notions like a tom-cat sheds his fur. She thought our old melodeon wa'n' t good enough fer her,

An’ them pianners cost so that she said the only way Was ter take in summer boarders till we‘ d made enough to pay; So she wrote advertisements out to fetch‘ em inter camp, An’ now there's boarders thicker here than June bugs round a lamp.

Our best front parlor'll jest be sp'iled; they h'ist up every shade An’ open all the blinds, by gum! an’ let the carpet fade. They're in there week days jest the same as Sunday; I declare, I really think our haircloth set is showin’ signs o’ wear!

They set up ha'f the night an’ sing,— no use ter try ter sleep, With them a-askin’ folks ter “Dig a grave both wide an’ deep,” An’ “Who will smoke my mashum pipe?” By gee! I tell yer what: If they want me to dig their graves, I'd jest as soon as not!

There ai n't no comfort now at meals; I can n't take off my coat, Nor use my knife to eat, nor tie my napkin‘ round my throat, Nor drink out of my sasser. Gosh! I hardly draw my breath ‘ Thout Mary Ann a-tellin’ me she's “mortified to death!”

Before they came our breakfast time was allus ha'f-past six; By thunderation!‘ t would n't do; you'd orter hear the kicks! So jest to suit‘ em‘ t was put off till sometime arter eight, An’ when a chap gits up at four that's mighty long ter wait.

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“TAKIN’ BOARDERS” · Joseph Crosby Lincoln · Poetry Cove