When you're studying the habits
Of the germ of German measles,
When you're searching out a cure for indigestion,
You may practise upon rabbits,
Upon guinea-pigs, or weasels,
If you think that they throw light upon the question;
You may note how bad the bite is
Of the microbe of bronchitis,
By performing operations upon frogs,
But I've yet to hear the mention
Of a surgical invention
That can justify experiments on DOGS.
I would sooner people perished
Of lumbago or swine-fever
( Or, at any rate, I'd rather they should chance it! )
Than that any hound I cherished
From a‘ pom’ to a retriever,
Should be subject to the vivisector's lancet.
I know nought of theoretics,
But in spite of anaesthetics
— Ether, chloroform or other soothing drug —
( Though perhaps I argue wrongly )
I should disapprove most strongly,
If I found a person puncturing my pug!
If we wish to make a bee-line
For the chicken-pox bacillus,
From the hen-house there is nothing to debar us;
We may learn from creatures feline
What the causes are that kill us
When we suffer from infirmities catarrhous!
But when dogs’ insides we study,
Then our hands and hearts grow bloody,
And we need n't be a crank or partisan
To display a strong objection
To the so-called vivisection
Of that animal we style the Friend of Man!