As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list — I've got a little list Of social offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs — All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs — All children who are up in dates, and floor you with‘ em flat — All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that —
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist — They'd none of‘ em be missed — they'd none of‘ em be missed! There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race, And the piano organist — I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face, They never would be missed — they never would be missed! Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy, And who does n't think she waltzes, but would rather like to try; And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist — I do n't think she'd be missed — I'm sure she'd not be missed!
And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife, The Judicial humorist — I've got him on the list! All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life — They'd none of‘ em be missed — they'd none of them be missed.
And apologetic statesmen of the compromising kind, Such as — What-d'ye-call-him — Thing'em-Bob, and likewise — Never-mind, And‘ St —‘ st —‘ st — and What's-his-name, and also — You-know-who — ( The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you! )
But it really does n't matter whom you put upon the list, For they'd none of‘ em be missed — they'd none of‘ em be missed!
Cookies on Poetry Cove