Since life is uncertain, and no one can say, How soon we may go, or how long we shall stay, Methinks he is wisest who soonest prepares, And settles in season his worldly affairs:
Some folks are so weak they can scarce avoid crying, And think when they're making their wills they are dying; ‘ Tis surely a serious employment — but still, Who e'er died the sooner for making his will?
Let others be sad when their lives they review, But I know whom I've serv'd — and him faithfully too; And though it may seem a fanatical story, He often has show'd me a glimpse of his glory.
IMPRIMIS, my carcase I give and devise To be made into cakes of a moderate size, To nourish those tories whose spirits may droop, And serve the king's army with Portable Soup.
Unless I mistake, in the scriptures we read That “worms on the dead shall deliciously feed,” The scripture stands true — and that I am firm in, For what are our tories and soldiers but vermin?—
This soup of soups can n't be call'd that of beef, And this may to some be a matter of grief: But I'm certain the Bull would occasion a laugh, That beef Portable Soup should be made of a Calf.
To the king, my dear master, I give a full sett ( In volumes bound up ) of the Royal Gazette, In which he will find the vast record contain'd Of provinces conquer'd and victories gain'd.
As to Arnold the traitor and Satan his brother, I beg they will also accept of another; And this shall be bound in Morocco red leather, Provided they'll read it like brothers together.
But if Arnold should die,‘ tis another affair, Then Satan surviving shall be the sole heir; He often has told me he thought it quite clever, So to him and his heirs I bequeath it forever.
I know there are some ( that would fain be thought wise ) Who say my Gazette is the record of lies; In answer to this, I shall only reply — All the choice that I had was to starve or to lie.
My fiddles, my flutes, French horns and guittars I leave to our heroes now weary of wars — To the wars of the stage they more boldly advance, The captains shall play and the soldiers shall dance.
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