She woke as one wakes from a deep And dreamless, yet exhausting, sleep. A strange confusion filled her mind, And sorrows vague and undefined,
Like half-remembered faces pressed To memory's window, in her breast, Gazed at her with reproachful eyes. She felt a sudden, dazed surprise,
Commingled with a sense of dread, “I did but sleep — I am not dead, “The potion and the purpose failed, And I still live,” she wildly wailed.
“Nay, thou art dead, rash suicide,” A sad voice spake: and at her side She saw a weird and shadowy crowd With anguished lips, and shoulders bowed,
And orbs that seemed the wells of woe. She shrieked and veiled her eyes. “No, no! “I am not dead! I ache with life. An earthly passion's hopeless strife
“Still tortures me.” “Yet thou art dead,” The voice with sad insistence said. “But love and sorrow and regret All die with death. I feel them yet.”
“God bade thee live, and only He Can say when thou shalt cease to be.” “But I was sin-sick, sad, alone - I thought by death I could atone,
“And died that Christ might show me how.” “Christ bore His burden, why not thou?” “Oh! lead me to His holy feet And let my penance be complete.”
“What! thinkest thou to find that path - Thou who hast tempted Heaven's wrath “By thy rash deed? Nay, nay, not so, ‘ Tis but perfected spirits go
“To that supreme and final goal. A self-sought death delays the soul. “With yonder shuddering, woeful throng Of suicides thy ways belong.
“Close to the earth a shadowy band, Unseen, but seeing all, they stand “Until their natural time to die, As God intended, shall draw nigh.
“On earth, repentant, sick of sin, A ministering angel thou hadst been “Whose patient toil and deeds divine Had rescued souls as sad as thine,
“Each deed a firm ascending stair To lead beyond thy great despair. “But now it is thy mournful fate To linger here and meditate
“On thy dark past — to stand so near The earthly plane that thou canst hear “Thy lover's voice, while old desire Shall burn within thee like a fire,
“And grief shall root thee to the spot To find how soon thou art forgot. “But since thou hast endured the woes That only fragile woman knows,
“And loved as only woman can, Thou shalt not suffer all that man “Must suffer when he interferes With God's great law. In death's dim spheres
“That justice waits, which men refuse. Thy sex shall in some part excuse “Thy desperate deed. When God shall send A second death to be thy friend,
“Thou need'st not fear a darker fate - Go forth with yonder throng, and wait.”
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