“My First — but do n't suppose,” he said, “I'm setting you a riddle - Is — if your Victim be in bed, Do n't touch the curtains at his head,
But take them in the middle, “And wave them slowly in and out, While drawing them asunder; And in a minute's time, no doubt,
He'll raise his head and look about With eyes of wrath and wonder. “And here you must on no pretence Make the first observation.
Wait for the Victim to commence: No Ghost of any common sense Begins a conversation. “If after this he says no more,
You'd best perhaps curtail your Exertions — go and shake the door, And then, if he begins to snore, You'll know the thing's a failure.
“By day, if he should be alone - At home or on a walk - You merely give a hollow groan, To indicate the kind of tone
In which you mean to talk. “But if you find him with his friends, The thing is rather harder. In such a case success depends
On picking up some candle-ends, Or butter, in the larder. “With this you make a kind of slide ( It answers best with suet ),
On which you must contrive to glide, And swing yourself from side to side - One soon learns how to do it. “That's plain,” said I, “as Tare and Tret,
To any comprehension: I only wish SOME Ghosts I've met Would not so CONSTANTLY forget The maxim that you mention!”
“Perhaps,” he said, “YOU first transgressed The laws of hospitality: All Ghosts instinctively detest The Man that fails to treat his guest
With proper cordiality. “If you address a Ghost as‘ Thing!’ Or strike him with a hatchet, He is permitted by the King
To drop all FORMAL parleying - And then you're SURE to catch it! “The Fourth prohibits trespassing Where other Ghosts are quartered:
And those convicted of the thing ( Unless when pardoned by the King ) Must instantly be slaughtered. “That simply means‘ be cut up small':
Ghosts soon unite anew. The process scarcely hurts at all - Not more than when YOU're what you call ‘ Cut up’ by a Review.
“I'm getting rather hoarse, I fear, After so much reciting: So, if you do n't object, my dear, We'll try a glass of bitter beer -
I think it looks inviting.”
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