TO A PUBLISHER

My dear Sir,— In the whole round Of animated nature I am acquainted

With nothing or nobody Who is, generally speaking, So gay, gaudy, and interesting As yourself.

From my youth up I have been taught to look upon a publisher As a very great person indeed. When I was young and courted him

He it was drew from me ( As morn from Memnon ) Rivers of melody; The which, however,

He took good care Not to glorify with his imprimatur. In those days I looked upon publishing as a trade

And poetry as a profession. Recently I have become wise, And I feel in the heart of me That publishing is a profession

And poetry a trade. In spite of all that has been said to the contrary, Barabbas Certainly was not a publisher.

I have not had time to look him up, But I feel quite sure That he was not a professional man. Besides,

If he was a publisher, Why did he not publish something? Echo and the Publishers’ Association No doubt answer

“Why?” I sometimes think I should like to be a publisher myself. It must be rather nice To know for a fact

How many copies Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so, and Mr. So-and-so Really do sell, And how many “A second large edition”

And “Tenth impression” Really mean. It must be rather nice, also, To go off to Switzerland every year

( With your wife ) To attend the Publishers’ Conference. It must be rather nice, too, To know of a surety

That when an author is making money Some publisher or other Is making just as much, And not infrequently a trifle more,

On the same work. We have learnt of late Greatly to our disgust That when a publisher dies rich

He has made his money out of Apollinaris. This is hard on authors, Who, between ourselves, Are not by any means bad people,

And invariably take a kindly interest In their publishers’ welfare. On the other hand, You must admit, sir,

That a publisher seldom goes bankrupt, And does not as a rule sleep Under his own counter. Once

I lent a publisher half a crown. He paid it back. The average author would have taken it As money earned.

So that, on the whole, I am inclined to like publishers, And to set them down in my tablets For

Useful persons.