Yes, we've been travelling, my dear, Three months, or such a matter, And it's a blessing to get clear Of all the clash and clatter!
Ah! when I look the guide-book through, And see each queer place in there, ‘ Tis hard to make it seem quite true That I myself have been there!
Our voyage? Oh, of course‘ twas gay — Delightful! splendid! glorious! We spurned the shore — we sped away — We rode the waves victorious.
The first mate's mustache was so grand! The ocean sweet, though stormy ( I was so sick I could not stand, But papa saw it for me ).
At Queenstown we saw land once more — Ground never looked so pretty! We took a steam-car near the shore For some light-sounding city.
A very ordinary stone We had to kiss at Blarney; The beggars would n't let us alone That half-day at Killarney!
The Giants’ Causeway?‘ Tis arranged With no regard to science; It must somehow of late have changed — At least we saw no giants.
Some little funny scrubs of folks Sold pictures, and were merry; The men were full of yarns and jokes, The women barefoot — very.
Old Scotland? Yes, all in our power We did there to be thorough; We stopped in Glasgow one whole hour, Then straight to “Edinborough.”
At Abbotsford we made a stay Of half an hour precisely. ( The ruins all along the way Were ruined very nicely. )
We “did” a mountain in the rain, And left the others undone, Then took the “Flying Scotchman” train. And came by night to London.
Long tunnels somewhere on the line Made sound and darkness deeper; No; English scenery is not fine, Viewed from a Pullman sleeper.
Oh, Paris! Paris! Paris!‘ tis No wonder, dear, that you go So far into the ecstasies About that Victor Hugo!
He paints the city, high and low, With faithful pen and ready ( I think, my dear, I ought to know — We drove there two hours steady ).
Through Switzerland by train. Yes, I Enjoyed it, in a measure; But still the mountains are too high To see with any pleasure.
Their tops — they made my neck quite stiff, Just stretching up to view them; And folks are very foolish if They clamber clear up to them!
Rome, Venice, Naples, and the Rhine? We did them — do not doubt it; This guide-book here is very fine — ‘ Twill tell you all about it.
We've saved up Asia till next year, If business gets unravelled; What! going? Come again; and, dear, I will not seem so travelled.
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