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1842–1914

THE LOST COLONEL.

Ambrose Bierce

“‘ Tis a woeful yarn,” said the sailor man bold Who had sailed the northern-lakes — “No woefuler one has ever been told Exceptin’ them called‘ fakes.’”

“Go on, thou son of the wind and fog, For I burn to know the worst!” But his silent lip in a glass of grog Was dreamily immersed.

Then he wiped it on his sleeve and said: “It's never like that I drinks But what of the gallant gent that's dead I truly mournful thinks.

“He was a soldier chap — leastways As‘ Colonel’ he was knew; An’ he hailed from some'rs where they raise A grass that's heavenly blue.

“He sailed as a passenger aboard The schooner‘ Henery Jo.’ O wild the waves and galeses roared, Like taggers in a show!

“But he sat at table that calm an’ mild As if he never had let His sperit know that the waves was wild An’ everlastin’ wet!—

“Jest set with a bottle afore his nose, As was labeled‘ Total Eclipse’ ( The bottle was ) an’ he frequent rose A glass o’ the same to his lips.

“An’ he says to me ( for the steward slick Of the‘ Henery Jo’ was I ): ‘ This sailor life's the very old Nick — On the lakes it's powerful dry!’

“I says:‘ Aye, aye, sir, it beats the Dutch. I hopes you'll outlast the trip.’ But if I'd been him — an’ I said as much — I'd‘ a’ took a faster ship.

“His laughture, loud an’ long an’ free, Rang out o'er the tempest's roar. ‘ You're an elegant reasoner,’ says he, ‘ But it's powerful dry ashore!’”

“O mariner man, why pause and don A look of so deep concern? Have another glass — go on, go on, For to know the worst I burn.”

“One day he was leanin’ over the rail, When his footing some way slipped, An’ ( this is the woefulest part o’ my tale ), He was accidental unshipped!

“The empty boats was overboard hove, As he swum in the‘ Henery's wake’; But‘ fore we had‘ bouted ship he had drove From sight on the ragin’ lake!”

“And so the poor gentleman was drowned — And now I'm apprised of the worst.” “What! him?‘ Twas an hour afore he was found — In the yawl — stone dead o’ thirst!”

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THE LOST COLONEL. · Ambrose Bierce · Poetry Cove